yankees

Derek Jeter Decides To Give It One More Season

In a shocking change of heart, Yankees captain Derek Jeter told media before today’s game 162 in Boston that he changed his mind and would like to return for another season.

“Yeah, I  mean, it’s just […] all these gifts have been great and such, but after a whole season to think about it, I don’t think it’s time for me to hang it up yet,” Jeter said. “I think I feel better than I thought I would, and my legs have at least another year in them. I’m still a little surprised nobody gave me a boat.”

Jeter’s publicity team spoke with the Yankees front office last week in preparation for the announcement but the organization decided to wait until game 162 to make the announcement.

A spokesperson for the Yankees told SJN “We feel that the time is right to announce Derek’s return for at least one more season.” The spokesperson also went on to say that “Derek was thrilled he’ll get to do his farewell tour one more time.”

“I think this time we should have a different hashtag. #RE2PECT was cool, but I think we could definitely have something cooler for the real farewell season. It’s going to be awesome.”

Jeter got the start at shortstop today in the final game of the regular season.

Ellsbury: I’m a Yankee, So What?

Come on people. Like you didn’t see this coming?

Remember Johnny Damon? I thought that was a saying in Boston.

“W.W.J.D.D?”

I’ll tell you what. He’d sign with the Yankees.

I don’t see the problem here. Turning coats was invented in Boston.

Boston is all about traitors.

Benjamin Franklin? Born there. The ultimate traitor.

Spearheaded the whole revolution.

Plus I heard he got around. Quite a way with the ladies. Dude was married. Didn’t hear of the open-relationship ’til like the 1800’s, so what gives?

You guys bailed on England back in the day. Some of you even signed the Declaration of Independence. You took pride in that.

Same thing I just did. Only instead of John Hancock or Samuel Adams, I had Scott Boras.

Besides, I signed with the Yankees. That’s what those flat-beer-drinkers in London called you back in the day.

I’m tired of the metaphorical taxes, the spiritual throwing of the tea overboard.

Stop mentally tarring and feathering me.

You should be grateful. I gave you my heart and soul for the two years I wasn’t hurt and I won you two World Series.

Seems like a good deal to me.

Take the barbecue stain off your shirt and the hate out your heart.

I wouldn’t have paid more than $100M for me anyway.

A speed guy in his late 30’s? Doesn’t anybody remember Carl Crawford?

Kidding. You can forget that funny joke.

I caught a deer when I was a kid.

With my own two hands and a rope.

I’ll wash up when I want to.

That deal’s a steal.

Stop looking for things to feel angry about.

Stop looking for jerseys to burn.

Stop seeking. You are always seeking.

Massachusetts? Where’d you get that name from?

Thanksgiving?

What are you really thankful for?