Tim Kerkjean

Giancarlo Stanton Signs with Marlins for $1.6 Billion Over 25 years.

The Miami Marlins and Giancarlo Stanton have reached a blockbuster deal that will keep the slugger in Miami until 2029. The deal is reported to be worth nearly $1.6 billion with incentives and bonuses totaling another $1.2 billion should the slugger stay healthy. This would keep Stanton in a Marlins uniform until the age of 50, or until the team folds or moves to another city.

Stanton told media after the game:

“Yeah, it’s cool. I mean, it’s a lot of money. I’m just kinda like, yeah. I love baseball and I love playing baseball wherever we play. It’s just a really tough thing to swallow, you know, being somewhere for that long. It’s just…yeah.”

Stanton made mention that he’d like to visit Hawaii some day and that he’d “definitely like to check out Paris one day, too.” Midway through the conference, the outfielder noted that he “really thought the Yankees might make a run at me, and that would have been cool, but I guess not.”

Stanton has hit 154 home runs over his five year tenure with the Marlins, and slugged a whopping .540, with a batting average of .271. He’s now the highest paid salaried professional in the world behind a few thousand bankers, moguls and barons.

MLB Rule Changes Include More Mascot Races, Clown Fights

MLB’s pace-of-game committee has proposed several rule changes geared at speeding up the game, which over the last few decades have neared an average of three hours, up from two hours and twenty minutes in the 60s.

Among the many proposed rules are steps toward keeping batters inside the batter’s box, timing pitchers delivery to the plate, and reducing the amount of time between innings.

However, the proposed changes that are garnering the most attention are the suggested additional mascot races, and introducing clown fights between the top and bottom of the fifth inning.

MLB’s Bob Manfred spoke to media last week outside of MLB headquarters:

“We believe that adding more mascot races and introducing clown fights would help keep viewers’ attention, especially during really boring games. It may seem counter-intuitive to add events to the game, if what we’re trying to do is speed the game up, but we see this as a way to make the game seem faster […] Fans want more excitement during the games, and we’re poised to do whatever it takes to give that to them.”

Additional mascot races could include competitions between a variety of local and regional foods. Local brands could also be called upon to create mascots and run them during races for a small commercial fee.

Red Sox owner John Henry told SJN he would be “Open to the idea of of having a Dunkin’ Donuts guy race against a can of Narragansett or something. Maybe we can toss a lobster roll in their too.”

In a conversation with SJN editors, Chicago White Sox Owner Jerry Reinsdorf mentioned he’d “like to see Hawk Harrelson put on a big hawk suit and race against a deep-dish pizza or something. That would be great.”

Proposed clown fights would bring the longstanding tradition to the diamond.

Proposed clown fights would bring the longstanding tradition to the diamond.

Clown fights, a longstanding tradition in minor league baseball could also be incorporated as early as the 2015 season should talks with the World Clown Association progress as planned, according to Manfred.

Between the top and bottom of the fifth inning, clowns would enter the field via home and away bullpens, and converge between the pitcher’s mound and second base where they would fight until the home team’s defense takes the field. Once all nine players have fielded their positions, whichever clown appears to have battered his opponent more thoroughly would be given a cream pie in the face-area and escorted off the field by stadium security.

SJN has reached out to other MLB owners on the topic and we expect to have more thoughts and comments on the proposed changes in the coming weeks. Stay tuned for more info on proposed MLB rule changes by following SJN on Twitter.

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NLDS: A Sample of Joe Buck’s Earth-Shattering Play-by-Play

Joe Buck was once again given the honor of calling the National League Divisional Series when instead the honor should have gone to someone more deserving. We at SJN can think of one person in particular who should’ve called the game (Vin Scully) given the Dodgers are in the series, but who cares what we think?

64 years in broadcasting doesn’t entitle you to anything.

On to a smattering of Joe’s amazing calls from Monday, October 6th, Game 3.

“That is a strike, for strike number three.” on Hyu’s first inning K of Randal Grichuk.

“Here’s the 3-0. And how bout that, swingin’ on 3-0. On … the … 3-0.” during Matt Holliday’s first inning at-bat. It sounded like Joe was trying really, really hard to remember which type of breaking pitch it was, however, Joe can’t differentiate between breaking pitches so that’s why he didn’t say. Good recovery, though.

“A.J. Ellis was born in Missouri.” Buck made this comment during a long pause. It had nothing to do with anything going on at the time. Super Buckian.

 “Here’s one into right, and that one is going to be CAUGHT! It is dropped.” on Hanley Ramirez’s single in the second inning. The ball wasn’t caught, nor was it dropped. It was trapped. So, in effect, he made two wrong calls. Kind of reminds us of this gem by longtime play-by-play jerk John Sterling.

“On deck is Carpenter. Lackey’s just trying to get to him.” Lackey was batting in the second, and yes, this is what Lackey would want to do, preferably by getting on base.

Hell, it goes on all night. Just tune in and listen for yourself.

Derek Jeter Decides To Give It One More Season

In a shocking change of heart, Yankees captain Derek Jeter told media before today’s game 162 in Boston that he changed his mind and would like to return for another season.

“Yeah, I  mean, it’s just […] all these gifts have been great and such, but after a whole season to think about it, I don’t think it’s time for me to hang it up yet,” Jeter said. “I think I feel better than I thought I would, and my legs have at least another year in them. I’m still a little surprised nobody gave me a boat.”

Jeter’s publicity team spoke with the Yankees front office last week in preparation for the announcement but the organization decided to wait until game 162 to make the announcement.

A spokesperson for the Yankees told SJN “We feel that the time is right to announce Derek’s return for at least one more season.” The spokesperson also went on to say that “Derek was thrilled he’ll get to do his farewell tour one more time.”

“I think this time we should have a different hashtag. #RE2PECT was cool, but I think we could definitely have something cooler for the real farewell season. It’s going to be awesome.”

Jeter got the start at shortstop today in the final game of the regular season.